30 and Single: Living Your Best Single Life | Faces of Black Fashion: 30 and Single: Living Your Best Single Life

Monday, August 18, 2014

30 and Single: Living Your Best Single Life

30 and Single: Living Your Best Single Life


There is no shame in desiring love and companionship.  No dishonor in wanting to share your life with someone special. Like any dream or goal, we can choose to intentionally pursue love.  In the Biblical story, Esther positioned herself before the king. She took a year to prepare so that she could position to win.  You decide if, when and how you attract the love that you desire.

Recently as I dined at a rooftop restaurant in L.A., taking in the sunset, the view, the slight wave of a cool breeze and the chatter of old and new friends, the subject of birthdays and age came up.

I mentioned that in less than two months I will turn 30, and I’m looking forward to my celebration trip with close friends. The picture of my 20s resemble a whirlwind of growth, mistakes, accomplishments, failures, good and bad decisions,  and memories that culminate into the woman I am and love today. I look toward the next decade with faith and optimism, assured in the knowledge that God directs my path.   

30 and Single: Living Your Best Single Life

Like clockwork, someone at my table reminded me that my “clock is ticking.”  Single women over 25 come to expect the constant references to their biological clocks from well-meaning (and not so well-meaning) family, friends and strangers alike.  “Just in case you forgot,” they seem to say, “I’m here to remind you.”  Aside from the fear-based shoves into the arms of someone (anyone) and subsequent rush to the altar, or the glaringly subtle implication that your relationship status defines your worth, I’m still unsure about the intended benefits of these promptings.

Since I’ve always valued independent thinking and behavior and often question conventional and cultural patterns and mores, I’ve already opted out of the anxiety- ridden fluff surrounding my age and relationship status.  In essence, no thank you, keep your words and thoughts away from my biology.

While I do desire a partnership with a man who will one day be “bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh,” life taught me that I am already whole and complete, a fact that my relationship status cannot and will not change.  I promised myself that I will fully celebrate the life that God has blessed me with by pursuing purpose, loving people, going after my goals and creating delightful memories. I will do these things whether I am single or married. 

Of course there are moments in single people’s lives where we feel the pangs of desire for intimacy and companionship, yet those pangs aren’t unique to singles. As a result, I’ve prayed for the insight to choose love wisely.

Imagine this, you are about to meet your future partner:

Partner one is living a full life. Like you he desires romantic love with the right person. In the mean time, he goes after his dreams, travels, gives back to the community, enjoys the company of friends, faces his shortcomings and works on them and lives life to the fullest way possible.

Partner two also wants love with the right person, but in the mean time he stays home on the weekends and mopes.  He constantly complains about the lack of good women in the world. He puts his dreams and goals on hold until he meets the one, waiting for someone to complete him.

I think it’s pretty clear which partner each of us would choose or hope to be.

As the saying goes, you are single, not dead. Regardless of your age and/or your relationship status, you owe it to yourself to grab life by the horns and live it. We can make excuses, engage in self-pity, or allow other people to torment us with pressure.  

Or, we can choose a different path. We can enjoy life and simultaneously look for someone to complement an already amazing existence.

30 and single? I am looking forward to my best life yet! 

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Thanks so much for sharing your thoughts :)