I come from a legacy of small women, but I did not always
accept and embrace that legacy. It’s one of those things that you don’t talk
about openly. These kind of conversations are reserved for trusted girlfriends
or family members, until someone disrupts your security blanket with the all
too sarcastic “oh shut up” or “cry me a river.” What right do you have to
complain when mainstream society says your body type is the ideal? Are your feelings valid when well-meaning
folks around you tell you that you’re so lucky that clothes fit you easily and
that they “wish they had your figure.”
The truth is none of those niceties mean a thing if you’re a
skinny black girl. Supposedly you have the ideal body – thin. Yet countless
people in your community admonish you to “get some meat on those bones, ” because
“men want a little something to hold on to,” just in case you were wondering.
Sometimes your community consists of the people in your own home, so the
messages are inescapable. It’s also not uncommon for some brother to loudly
voice his displeasure about your lack of ASSets. Oh, and don’t forget the false
but in your face concerns about a possible eating disorder. How else do you eat so
much yet stay so small? You are to shoulder these and other criticisms with
nary a complaint, because it’s the norm to unload such venom on the “skinny b**ch.”
So when you develop body issues, you stay quiet and silently
consume Ensure, protein shakes and anything else that promises weight gain. No
one knows that you’re displeased with the body you see in the mirror, they
don’t know that deep down you wish for curves and that you are hypersensitive
to comments about thin celebrities looking “sickly,” “like little kids” or like
“crack heads.” Deep down you
wonder if those are the things they think about you. Later on you may recover through weight gain or
self-acceptance, but you might not recover at all.
Today 53% of American girls are unhappy with their bodies. We live in a world where globally women
face media onslaughts on their body and self-image, often comparing themselves
to unrealistic and unattainable standards of beauty. This is further compounded
by other cultural standards at play. Now more than ever, women need each other to develop and
maintain positive self and body images. So the next time you are tempted to
make a disparaging remark about another woman’s weight, think again. Choose instead to celebrate her unique beauty.
This is a great post. When I was a teenager I suffered from insecurites and being made fun of. Still to this day people will make snide remarks or disrespectful comments about my slender frame. The difference now is that I have developed the self confidence to not let it effect me because half of the women making those comments are insecure about their own over weight figures. If I can't say "Hey your really fat you should loose weight" it shouldn't be right for comments to be made about my figure either. It's mean and disrespecful.
ReplyDeleteIt is mean and disrespectful, I'm glad you're now at the place where those comments don't affect you.
DeleteOh strumming my pain with your fingers! This is me in a nutshell. I've finally starting to feel good in my skin but it hasn't been easy. What absolutely kills me that if roles were reversed, WE would be rude for saying anything. And don't get me started on those real women have curves campaign. It's good to see that I'm not alone. Great post, Nika!
ReplyDeleteThanks lady, and I too despise the "real women have curves campaign" does it mean we're unreal b'c we don't have curves, it's just silly.
DeleteI am so thankful for my body and cringe at the thought of ever having thought it wasn't "black enough". Luckily, I've always had a mouth on me, so any "she's pretty, but why would I want a Playstation without any controls?" -this happened, type comments from black men were met with "Ha! Like I'd ever date or give you the time of day anyway". And those same guys and "thick" girls in middle and high school are all... Let me be polite lol. Tables turn. Good read.
ReplyDeleteYou are fabulous, thanks for always representing us fabulously!
DeleteIt's so sad that a lot of our women have to go through that and goes to show you the influence that society's perception has on your own self-perception. I used to hate my body and believe that no man would ever be interested in me, received a lot of the same comments that you have, cried one day in the 9th grade when these two bigger girls asked me what my boyfriend would play with in reference to my small bust size. It really made me question my beauty, and doubt my appeal. I'm sorry that I ever felt that way because now I know better. It's not the that needs to change, it was me. I had to become more confident with myself and that started with accepting my body the way it was, appreciating it, and loving it. The men do follow, trust lol. But it's crazy how we'll let the outside world dictate how we feel about ourselves. I love this post. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for reading. I'm so happy that you were able to overcome and realize your inherent beauty!
DeleteOKAY!!! Someone finally said it. I'm from a family of big woman but they have some nerve to speak of my weight when they're bigger than me. I also noticed your from Jamaican decent, you know the "lawd she big eh" all of that foolishness. Kettle ah cuss pot seh dem batty black ... I'll be honest before my PCOS issues took control of my body, I was 130 pounds and hated it! But that still has never changed, because I hate the weight I am now. But I'm working on it. It took me sometime to finally learn to love myself and to not be concerned about what the next person thought. But its social media and its perceptions of what is ideal but they have yet to find one person on this planet that's "perfect".
ReplyDeleteI love my Jamaicans, welcome! but yes sometimes we can say some things boy lol. So happy that you're on that journey to self-love.
DeleteI really like this post. The fact that people can tell others what they should fix or do is annoying because they need to look at themselves as well and work on them, it's rude. I always have people telling me that I don't eat lol which is funny because I do. I ignore a lot of the negativity since I was a kid you can't please everyone only yourself. Real people come in different shapes and sizes and so do real women. If we all look the same its boring and everyone wants to looks like what they see on tv. Everything that glitters isn't gold. I've always been an athlete and I love the gym. I like being fit with skinny girl curves lol not all of us are going to have asset but that what makes us perfectly imperfect. We need to embrace ourselves and love how we are:)
ReplyDeleteI agree. Self-love is such a beautiful journey
DeleteI love this post so much! Black women are looked at as being thick and curvy. So, when you are tall, skinny, and black life is hard for us too. People just seem to overlook our struggle as well. I am naturally slim and tall due to family genetics, with very little curves and it is hard to function with all the negativity surrounding me size. Now, that I am going to college, I am slowly trying to accept the body that I am in and work it. Building confidence is hard. Gotta love myself to be happy. Keep writing stuff like this it's so helpful
ReplyDeleteim 17 and ive been going through this all my life..i always looked different from my friends and sisters that are curvy and they always make fun of me saying "boys like some meat"..my pants never fitted because my bum is so little and my mum always got disgusted with my body..i have had insecurities and a low self esteem(i even considered seeing a plastic surgeon lol)..But now i got to love my body and i realized most of my friends were jealous of my tall slim figure and legs too..Every woman is pretty regarding the size
ReplyDelete